Once people have addressed
their own hearts (and have asked forgiveness, if they have sinned against the
person) and determined that this is a sin that cannot be overlooked, they
should approach the offender in private, as Matt. 18:15 says. They should seek
to correctly understand the situation (James 1:19) before passing a final
judgment, for it could be that they have misunderstood things. They should
think the best of others, speak the truth in love (2 Sam. 12:1-9; Eph. 4:15),
and treat others in a way that they would want to be treated (Matt. 7:2). It is
advisable for those who are going to plan beforehand what they are going to say
and how they will say it. For example:
1. Plan the issues that need addressed (try
to be as specific as possible).
2. Avoid unnecessarily offending the other
person with words and topics that do not need to be addressed.
3. Use analogies or metaphors that the other
person will understand and value.
4. Describe the effects the problem is
having on one’s self and others.
5. Provide suggestions for a solution to the
problem.[1]
If the person who has sinned listens and
repents, then Matthew 18 and Luke 17:3-4 indicate that the other must forgive
them. Reconciliation and efforts at greater unity continue, but the matter can
end privately without others being involved. As Cheong states, “Ideally both
you and the offender should not only understand the deeper struggles within
your own hearts underneath the expressed and experienced sinfulness, but also
understand what ongoing faith and repentance look like.”[2]
If the person does not
listen and repent, then Matt. 18:16 says to “take one or two others along with
you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three
witnesses.”[3]
These witnesses were not witnesses to the original offense, if they were, they
should have gone earlier. If the offender disputes what actually happened, another
witness to the incident or direct evidence needs to be presented, for it is not
enough to be one person’s word against another. The witnesses are to witness
the confrontation, help call the offender to repentance (if indeed they have
sinned), to be ready to bring the matter to the church (if needed), to make
sure the confrontation is handled biblically, and to protect both parties. Jesus
does not say how much time should proceed between the person not listening and
then taking witnesses to talk to them, so biblical wisdom, love, and time for
the Holy Spirit to work must be given to allow the offender ample time to
repent. Leeman states:
In short, the length of the
process is determined entirely by how long it takes to convince the parties
involved that a person is characteristically repentant or unrepentant. The
church must examine the circumstances of the sin on the one side of the
balance, and all the other evidences of repentance on the other side. Sometimes
new information will emerge that will tilt the scale in one direction or
another. But when the church is convinced that it has all the relevant
information on both sides of the scale, and that the balance has stopped moving,
it’s called to act in the direction of whichever side is heavier. That process might
take a minute, or it might take a year.[4]
This may seem harsh and unloving, but sin
must be dealt with before it destroys the person and others involved. Consider
Paul’s words in Titus 3:10-11: “As
for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have
nothing more to do with him, knowing that such a person is warped and sinful;
he is self-condemned.”[5]
The witnesses that should be taken should be those who are trustworthy and
objective, and who care primarily about doing what is right in the Lord’s eyes,
rather than pleasing a particular party. Gregg Allison writes, “As it proceeds
to confront, expose, rebuke, and correct its members who are engaged in true
sins that require discipline, the church must follow some explicit rules of
engagement (Gal. 6:1). The aim is not to destroy life, wreak vengeance, or make
an example out [of] the person; the approach and corresponding attitude is not
one of harshness, arrogance, or anger.”[6]
The goal is the same as the previous step, in that the offender repents and
asks forgiveness, and the parties seek reconciliation. If the offender does
repent, then the process stops, but if they do not repent, then the matter is
taken to the church. At this point, church leadership should be aware of the
situation, and be brought in. The elders of the church should then try to meet
with the offender and call them to repentance. If this fails, letters to the
offender warning them about their sin and calling them to repentance should be
given.[7]
These letters will also serve to aid the church should the offender sue the
church. The last letter before the church is told should let the offender know
when the church will be told, and what will happen if they persist in their
sin.
In telling the church,
Matt. 18:17 indicates that if the offender refuses to listen to the witnesses,
then it is time for the church to be told. Again, enough time should be given
to allow the Holy Spirit to work and bring repentance. If there is no
repentance after the time given, then church leadership should bring the matter
up to the members. Leadership needs to communicate to the church the biblical
basis and necessity of church reconciliation, what has happened with the
offender, and about the attempts at reconciliation. The church should be told
in an orderly manner and with limited scope-to members of the church rather
than non-members. The elders also explain how fellowship is to be broken with
them (2 Thess. 3:14; 1 Cor. 5:9,11), which means that normal fellowship and
Lord’s Supper are affected (communion is withheld). The whole church (members)
are encouraged to pray for the offender, and to call the sinning person to
repentance (Gal. 6:1-2; 2 Thess. 3:15). If the offender repents, then they are
to be restored in fellowship and in the Lord’s Supper (2 Cor. 2:5-8). If the
person does not repent, then they are to be removed from the church.
Matthew 18:17 states that
“if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and
a tax collector.” The church needs to know that the person in rebellion has communicated
at least 3 things, namely, desiring to live life without God by refusing to
submit to him, desiring a life outside of the community and care of the church
as they refuse to listen to the church, and desiring to live a life the
reflects Satan and his ways.[8]
When the offender refuses to listen to even the church, they are put outside
the church and turned over to Satan. In 1 Tim. 1:19-20, Paul says that “By
rejecting this [holding faith and a good conscience], some have made shipwreck
of their faith, among whom are Hymenaeus and Alexander, whom I have handed over
to Satan that they may learn not to blaspheme.”[9]
In other words, they are put outside the realm of the church in Satan’s domain,
in hope that they will repent and return. Matthew 18:17 also says that they are
to be considered a Gentile and tax collector, which means as unbelievers. As an
unbeliever, the person should be evangelized and not mistreated (Gentiles and
tax collectors were objects of Jesus’ ministry-cf: Matt. 8:5-13, 9:9-13,
11:16-19). The church should be instructed not to carry on relationships with
them as if nothing was wrong (cf: 1 Cor. 5:6-11; 2 Thess. 3:6), but to appeal
for them to repent whenever those from the church come in contact with them.
The church should welcome the offender back if he or she repents (2 Thess.
3:15) and restore them to fellowship again. In everything, the church should
make their love for them known (2 Thess. 3:14-15).
Church leadership should
be very careful not to bring church discipline against members for the wrong
reasons. They should also keep careful records of membership covenants and all
notices of church discipline, in the event that the church is sued. The church
needs to demonstrate that it required members to fulfill certain obligations,
such as submission to God’s Word and church leadership, and that a failure to
do this will result in consequences. A large number of situations can come up
in church discipline cases, such as what the church will do if the offender
says he or she just wants to leave the church, or what will be done if the
offender is a leader in the church. In these cases, church leadership will need
to seek biblical wisdom and consider the different matters carefully. Overall,
church leadership must continually remind and teach the church about the
necessity and love involved in church restoration. This may not be an easy
process, but must be faithfully carried out to honor Christ.
[1]For
a further description, see Sande, Peace
Maker, 173-184.
[2]Cheong,
God Redeeming His Bride, 96.
[3]See
Deuteronomy 19:15 in regards to the importance of witnesses in a matter.
[4]Leeman,
Church Discipline, 73.
[5]See
also Rom. 16:17-18.
[7]For
an example of a warning letter, see Appendix 9.6 in Cheong, God Redeeming His Bride.
[8]Cheong,
God Redeeming His Bride, 147.
[9]See
also 1 Cor. 5:1-5.
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