instill: verb, gradually but firmly establish (an idea or attitude, esp. a desirable one) in a person's mind
What do your kids value? Is it what you value? How do you 'establish' your values in their hearts and minds? How were they 'established' in your mind? Is your set of values different than your parents? These are the million dollar questions I now open for exploration.
In your life, when you were young, did you do what your parents told you because 1) it seemed good and right to you? 2) they told you it was good and right and you believed them? or 3) you were going to get in trouble if you didn't?
It may have been a combination of those things in varying percentages depending on the individual, but I'd venture a guess that for most of us it was mainly 3. In other words, doing X or not doing Y, was not part of our value system. But we may have complied in order to avoid our parent's wrath and/or punishment. The highest 'value' was placed on avoiding a negative. This can be true even in adulthood. Just switch parents with law enforcement or social mores.
But for most of us, especially Christians, we began to 'own' a different value system than the one we were born with. One that's more like what our parents - if they were good role models - valued. Good, kind, honest, self-sacrificing behavior.
How does this happen?
Certainly the Holy Spirit plays an important role in this. But there are other factors too. Many times, when we DO bad things, bad things HAPPEN to us. I've wondered recently if this is the primary way we incorporate good thinking, and thus behavior, into our lives. We compare good instruction and the results of following it, with the results of doing bad and then we 'get it'.
1. Do Christians 'behave' correctly in order to avoid punishment.
2. Is that a 'lower' or less mature reason for right behavior. Should 'avoiding a negative' transition into 'receiving a positive' - or something even higher?
3. What can we do to effectively cause our kids to 'buy in' to the way of life we think is best for them.
Other than that, and the work of God, I don't know what else would work besides cold, hard experience. Get smacked in the face, knocked on the ground, and kicked a few times and you start to learn (at least most of us do). Unfortunately, that's not a much different model than how we started with our parents. Do bad = get spanked/grounded/sent to room etc.
Last question: what role does faith play in all of this. We are instructed that the righteous will live by faith. If we truly trusted God, and all that He says, we would obey Him without having to suffer through bad consequences that resulted from sin. Wouldn't we?